Saturday, April 3, 2010

Never Before ...

Well, I said I was going to start writing about where I've come from in my journey with the Lord, and I will. But tonight, I want to take a few minutes and write about something I'm beginning to walk in now.

I've spent the last seven months reading through my Bible. I'm almost done. I've been in the Word more than ever before. I've been consciously making it a priority to spend more focused time in the Lord's presence. I've been pursuing His face, pursuing His presence, pursuing His heart. And now I'm beginning to sense a change within my heart.

There's a growing sensitivity; a growing tenderness towards the Holy Spirit.

A few weeks ago, I wrote this in my journal:
"Never before has my heart been so tender before the Lord. Last year this time I was coming out of three months of bitterness. Only after three months did the conviction of the Holy Spirit reach my heart that I recognized the bitterness and repented. Now after only a few hours, my heart is repentant before the Lord and the bitterness is laid aside for the grace of the Lord. Thank You for tenderizing my heart. Thank You for pouring Your grace out upon me and Your favor upon my life. Thank You for making me more like You. Thank You for Your love, for the gentle conviction of the Spirit upon my heart. I do love You!"

This morning I came home from work after a frustrating night of work. It wasn't anything big, just little frustrations, little annoyances. As I crawled into bed, my heart cried out. I felt such a hardness and a darkness falling upon my heart as bitterness and resentment festered. I recognized anger and a spirit of offense building within my heart.

In that moment upon my bed, I knew I had a choice. The Holy Spirit was bringing His conviction as I recognized the emotions within my heart. I could have held onto my anger and offense; I could have held onto my rights. But by the grace of God, I released the emotions and asked for forgiveness and cleansing by the blood of the Lamb.

I've experienced bitterness and resentment before. I've held onto them in the past as my right. And I know by experience that I can't grow in the Lord and cling to a spirit of offense at the same time. That is why I am so thankful for the tenderness within my heart to continue to desire the Lord. It's a tenderness that recognizes and responds to conviction by the grace of God.

I pray that as you seek the Lord, He will grow this tenderness within your heart as well. I pray your heart will forever be soft before the conviction of the Holy Spirit.

              ... Kendra Sheree

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