Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Gentle My Desperation

"Come, Lord Jesus,
touch me
with love, life-giving as light,
to quiet my anger a little & gentle my desperation
to soften my fears some & soothe the knots of my cynicism,
to wipe away the tears from my eyes & ease the pains in my body & soul,
to reconcile me to myself & then to the people around me & then nation to nation,
that none shall learn war any more,
but turn to feed the hungry, house the homeless & care compassionately for the least of our brothers & sisters.
Reshape me in your wholeness to be a healing person, Lord.

Come, Lord Jesus,
expand me
by your power, life-generating as the sea,
to accept & use my power,
to do something I believe in & be something more of who I am to be & can be,
to inspire me to dream & move,
sweat & sing,
fail & laugh,
cuss & create,
to link my passion with courage,
my hope with discipline,
my love with persistence,
to enable me to learn from difficulties,
grow in adversities,
gain wisdom from defeats,
perspective from disappointments,
gracefulness from crises,
& find joy in simply living it all fully.
Release me through your power to be a powerful person, Lord.

Come, Lord Jesus,
startle me
with your presence, life-sustaining as air,
to open my heart to praise you,
to open my mind to attend you,
to open my spirit to worship you,
to open me to live my life as authentically & boldly as you lived yours.

Come, Lord Jesus,
be with me in my longing;
come, stay with me in my needing;
come, go with me in my doing;
come, struggle with me in my searching;
come, rejoice with me in my loving."

Ted Loder in Guerrillas of Grace

Friday, July 17, 2009

A Higher Standard

Recently I've been feeling like I'm pulling myself in many different directions, trying to pursue too many interests at one time. It's tiring! I thought I wanted to actively pursue midwifery training or at least get my feet wet at this time in my life. However, as soon as I arranged to shadow midwives, the desire is gone and moves onto something else.

I've wondered if it's just the fickleness of my own heart not wanting to do anything that will take work and push me outside my lovely little comfort zone. Now that I have full choice of what to pursue, I seem to only want to do what's easy, what brings immediate gratification.

Yet midwifery is something I was never fully sure (and still am not) that I was called to do. It's been an interest, but I've questioned the reasons it's an interest.

And what do I hear God saying in all this? I'm not certain of that either. My ability to recognize and understand His voice of late, has been distracted for a few reasons.

This year's word was contentment. I've not been very good at this yet. The verse for this year was Romans 12:1&2 "Therefore, I urge, you brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

The theme of this year has been A Higher Standard, A Higher Calling than what I have previously been striving for.

I wrote recently in my journal: "Righteousness . . . Holy . . . Purity . . . Perfection . . . God is calling us to a higher standard, one higher than the one we've been attempting, striving to attain. This higher standard, God will transform us into."

In moments of clarity, I see that this is where God's heart is for me right now where I'm at. He's asking that I would allow Him to work this righteousness in me. It requires obedience, turning my back on my comfort zone, seeking out people, loving people, serving people and in so doing, doing it all for Jesus, to Jesus.

So where does this leave me as to what to pursue?:

Well, not midwifery.

Learning to play piano and sing
Taking available opportunities to do both (even if I don't feel equipped or ready)
Learning to intercede, what intercession is
Learning to serve, serve, serve
Developing mothering abilities with in me
Serving at SVPS, where I am already committed
Not neglecting work and the numerous opportunities there to minister
Seeking out relationships, even with people I've previously overlooked
Loving my family
Digging into God's Word
Learning to dance
Dancing with abandon

And pursuing further education sometime in the future when it is actually in my heart to do so, when God leads me to do so.
Education in the world, though valuable, is not something I should pursue at the expense of education by God.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Verses & Thoughts

"Deliver THOSE who are being taken away to death,
And THOSE who are staggering to slaughter, Oh hold THEM back.
If you say 'See, we did not know THIS,'
Does He not consider IT who weighs the hearts?
And does He no know IT who keeps your soul?
And will He not render to man according to his work?
Proverbs 24:11-12

"I searched . . .
for a MAN among them
who would hold up the WALL
and stand in the GAP before Me . . .
for the LAND,
so that I would not destroy IT . . .
But I found NO one" . . .
Ezekiel 22:30

LIFE . . . it's being taken away to death.
LIFE . . . . . it's staggering to death.

And God will judge us according to our knowledge, according to what we do and do not know. He will judge us according to what we do or do not do with that knowledge. Did we ignore the cry of the weak being destroyed. Do we say that we did not know because we could not hear their voice? And yet their voices, silent and small as they may be, they reach to heaven to the ears of God.

And God still seeks for that man to stand in the gap, to hold up the wall, that He might not destroy the land. Who is that man, that woman, that child, who has the courage, the boldness, the pure guts to stand in the gap and pour their life out for the voiceless ones? Are you one who will give your life defending the defenseless that are mercilessly slaughtered, that our land might be redeemed?

"So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it."
Isaiah 55:11

Daddy, what word are you now sending forth from your mouth? What is the cry of your heart that goes forth over the earth? What do you long to see your word accomplish? What word have you sent forth to me that you desire to return to you fulfilled? What word are you sending forth for Lord's House of Prayer, Quarryville? What word are you sending forth for Lancaster County? Open our hearts to hear the word you send forth, the cry of your heart.

"For My house will be called a house of prayer for all the peoples."
Isaiah 56:7b

A short chapter later comes the cry of God's heart. Will you be a house of prayer? As a people will you surrender to me and allow me to form you into a house of prayer? As individuals, as my son, my daughter, will you allow me to form you heart into a place of prayer and intimacy for all to come and drink of; for all peoples to find refuge in?

Will we be a place of refuge for those who are being destroyed; for the men, women, and children who are being slaughtered, physically, emotionally, spiritually . . . ?

Will we stand in the gap for the defenseless ones, the invisible ones, the silent ones of our generation and the generation to come?