Waiting is not easy. Waiting without sight is not easy. Waiting with uncertain hope is not easy.
It’s frustrating, heartbreaking, confusing. It feels blind; it feels dark.
If my hope is uncertain, why am I waiting?
Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen.
Faith is substance; faith is evidence . . . when there is none.
If there is physical evidence, if there is visible proof, then there need not be faith.
The need for faith comes when there is no visible proof of that for which we hope.
This is where I am at.
I have a hope, however uncertain.
I’ve sensed the voice of God in my heart, strengthening this hope.
There is absolutely no physical evidence on which to rest my hope.
There is absolutely no visible proof or reason for me to hope.
Yet, I do. Is it stubbornness or faith?
Faith is substance and faith is evidence. There need not be other evidence.
The faith of God in my heart is the substance of what I hope for, the evidence of that which I do not see, yet hope to see.
I walk be faith not by sight.
That means that even though I do not see evidence, even though I feel blind, because of my faith, I walk.
Though I cannot see, faith gives me courage and reason to continue walking.
How many times these past six, no it’s seven months have I prayed “God, if this whisper in my heart is not from you, if it’s not your voice, then turn my heart. My heart is in your hands to turn as you will. I want nothing other than your will for my life”?
Seven months of praying this and my heart has not turned away from the whisper, from the hope.
Seven months, and now there is peace that before was not there.
Seven months . . . I’m still walking by faith, I’m still hoping without evidence.
There has been confusion. Frustration. Doubting. Tears.
There still is. Even though peace has wondrously found a way into my heart.
I ask God at least weekly, sometimes daily, for proof, for anything. Just for confirmation that I am indeed hearing his whisper. My fleece is before him. It has been for three months now.
This is faith: to continue in obedience, to continue in humility, to continue to walk: when I have no sight, when I am blind, when confusion surrounds, when doubt knocks at the door.
This is faith: to trust in the goodness of my Daddy’s heart and the gentleness of his love, when I have all the evidence I could want and when I have absolutely nothing.