Late last night, I sat in the basement by myself. The house was quiet; I was the only one who remained awake. I was reviewing where I'm at in life and where I want to be. I'm new graduated from nursing school and for the first time in my life, I'm not a student. I'm now a full-time employee at a large hospital and have no other commitments. I don't know what to do next. I have opportunities and interests. But I can't pursue all of them at once and I don't know what to pursue next. Really at the heart of it though what I most want to do is get married and start a family.
I sat on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, telling God all this. He knows my desire for marriage; he placed it within me. He also knows the timing of that when I do not. I just wanted to know what to do next, what to pursue. I asked him. You desire obedience above sacrifice. Tell me what to do; I'll be obedient. . .
In the stillness of the house, all I heard was the gentle whisper in my heart "Be still and know I am God; be with me".
I am honored and humbled that God wants to be with me. That he asks for my presence. But I don't know HOW to simply be with God. I don't know HOW to be still. I'm a Martha; I know how to do. I'm good at doing. But when the only direction I have is "Be still", I get lost.
I sat there, knowing in my heart that this is truly what God wants from me right now. It's not the first time he has spoken these words in the silence. All I could say was "Daddy, you taught my friend Kathy to be, will you teach me?"
As I crawled into bed a short time later. My mind went back to the verse about God desiring obedience over sacrifice. What if I actually took that verse seriously, at face value? What if I actually started obeying the words of Jesus to pray, to love, to give, to heal, to trust, to pour out my life? What would happen if I was truly obedient?
Daddy, do what you will in my life and with my life. Teach me to be still; teach me to be obedient. I am willing.