My Calling

I am Kendra.
I am not Kathy.
I am not Katharine.
I am not Abbey, Bethany, Heidi, Bess Anne, or Kari.
I am Kendra.

God has a call on my life. He has a plan to which He is calling me. That plan is not the plan that He has for Katharine's life. The plan He has for me is not the same plan He has for Kari. He is not calling me to follow Abbey's calling or Bethany's calling or Bess Anne's calling. He is calling me to follow the path He has put me on, the path I walk with Him.

Recently, as I have talked with different friends, I have felt a tug on my heart. They talk about what God has called them to and the desires they have. It all seems so amazing and exciting. I think "I could do that", "maybe God wants me to do that too". It feels easier to follow someone else's calling. They hear, they obey, and I follow in their steps.

But every time my heart feels this tug, my spirit reminds me that I am Kendra. God has a plan specifically for me. It would be easier to follow someone else as they follow God, but God wants a relationship with me. So He calls me to something different, something that He has made me specifically for.

What's frustrating is that I don't fully know what He has called me to. I know bits and pieces, but I don't yet know how they fit together.

I am called to . . .
. . . intercession . . .
. . . compassion . . .
. . . tenderness . . .
. . . abundant life . . .
. . . missions . . .
. . . my generation . . .
. . . America . . .
. . . adoption . . .
. . . mothering . . .
. . . healing . . .
. . . love . . .
. . . lead . . . . and so much more that I do not yet know.

So much and yet it still feels so little. So disjointed. I know with time it will come together and in looking back I will be able to see how. But the planner in me wants to know now. Yet when I am quiet and still, He draws near and gradually reveals the next step, but only the next step. He asks for my trust and my obedience; so gently . . . how can I refuse such a gentleness?