A couple of months ago, my brother sent me a Facebook message saying, "You need to read October 11th in My Utmost for His Highest. I think it might be just where you are at."
Well, I began to read it and starting thinking "What did he mean; this isn't where I am at at all." But by the time I got to the end, I was thinking, "Boy, my brother sure does know me well. He hit the nail on the head."
I continue to read and reread this devotional as an encouragement even when I don't have the answers I'm looking for. So here it is. Read and be blessed.
My Utmost for His Highest - October 11th: 'After God's Silence - What?
"When He had heard therefore that he was sick, He abode two days in the same place where He was." (John 11:6)
Has God trusted you with a silence - a silence that is big with meaning? God's silences are His answers. Think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything analogous to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking for a visible answer? God will give you the blessings you ask if you will not go any further without them; but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvelous understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? You will find that God has trusted you in the most intimate way possible, with an absolute silence, not of despair, but of pleasure, because He saw that you could stand a bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, praise Him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes. The manifestation of the answer in time is a matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you said - "I asked God to give me bread, and He gave me a stone." He did not, and today you find He gave you the bread of life.
A wonderful thing about God's silence is that the contagion of His stillness gets into you and you become perfectly confident - "I know God has heard me." His silence is proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, He will give you the first sign of His intimacy - silence.'
Thank you, Daddy, for Your silence. It is teaching me to cling ever stronger to You; to cling to You and trust Your heart towards me even when I do not see, even when all I have is the promise of the faith in my heart. In the silence, I am learning that You will remain faithful, even if I am faithless, for You cannot deny Yourself (2 Timothy 2:13)
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Willing to Risk
Am I willing to risk?
Am I willing to risk sounding bad when I sing?
Am I willing to risk stumbling over my words?
Am I willing to risk making up a chorus that makes no sense?
Am I willing to be misunderstood, misjudged?
Am I willing to be thought foolish or weird or sacrilegious?
Am I willing to loose my reputation?
Am I willing to loose my dignity?
Am I willing to loose face?
Am I willing to . . . anything?
Am I willing to loose anything, throw anything away, do anything in the pursuit of my Daddy’s heart?
Am I willing to risk it all?
He risked it all, threw everything he knew away, lost it all for the sake of finding me.
Will I do the same?
Will I throw away the fear of man to pursue my Daddy?
Do I really want Him like I say I do? Am I willing to pay the price of knowing His heart?
Am I willing to pay the price of dreaming His dreams, of being His resting place, of being a womb for His desires?
Am I willing to pay the price for His complete trust in me?
It seems like such a high price to pay.
It seems too cheap a price.
At what point does He become worth more to me than the fear of man?
At what point will I lay it all down and declare that the fear of God carries more weight in my heart than the fear of man?
I want to know His heart.
I want to dream His dreams.
I want to conceive and bring forth His desires.
I want to be a blessing to My Daddy.
I want Him to trust me . . .
. . . and it is worth any price.
Am I willing to risk sounding bad when I sing?
Am I willing to risk stumbling over my words?
Am I willing to risk making up a chorus that makes no sense?
Am I willing to be misunderstood, misjudged?
Am I willing to be thought foolish or weird or sacrilegious?
Am I willing to loose my reputation?
Am I willing to loose my dignity?
Am I willing to loose face?
Am I willing to . . . anything?
Am I willing to loose anything, throw anything away, do anything in the pursuit of my Daddy’s heart?
Am I willing to risk it all?
He risked it all, threw everything he knew away, lost it all for the sake of finding me.
Will I do the same?
Will I throw away the fear of man to pursue my Daddy?
Do I really want Him like I say I do? Am I willing to pay the price of knowing His heart?
Am I willing to pay the price of dreaming His dreams, of being His resting place, of being a womb for His desires?
Am I willing to pay the price for His complete trust in me?
It seems like such a high price to pay.
It seems too cheap a price.
At what point does He become worth more to me than the fear of man?
At what point will I lay it all down and declare that the fear of God carries more weight in my heart than the fear of man?
I want to know His heart.
I want to dream His dreams.
I want to conceive and bring forth His desires.
I want to be a blessing to My Daddy.
I want Him to trust me . . .
. . . and it is worth any price.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Tuesday, November 3rd at Gateway
Journal Entry:
"Behind what could be seen as just a good performance with excellent vocals, can I hear the heartbeat of heaven and the pain in my Daddy's heart? His heart breaks for His daughters, ravished and beaten, broken in spirit and body by others of His creation. How He longs to bring restoration and freedom, SALVATION! to lives broken and torn. That's the whole reason Jesus came: to restore relationship and break the curse that has led us to so cruelly defraud each other. He came to call us who now know Him, who have been freed, to go to those still in bondage and release them in Jesus' name. Daddy needs us; He calls us to respond; to hear the heartbeat of heaven and feel the pain He feels, the pain the broken feel and carry it as our very own."
"Will I yield my heart to feel the pain He feels, to feel the pain the world feels as it cries to be released from the curse? Will I yield my heart to take their place and approach the throne of heaven to entreat for their restoration and release?"
Can you feel the ache in His heart? More and more, my prayer is "Daddy, let me feel what you feel? I want to know Your heart." I can muster up only so much love, only so much compassion. As days pass into weeks, I see my love and compassion fade so quickly. But His never ends. I want His love and compassion in my heart, that from a place of brokenness, I can carry the burdens of others as if they truly were my own burdens. His love in my heart, His compassion flowing in my veins, His tears flowing from my eyes . . . for a world torn apart by the curse of sin and death.
Let hope and truth burst forth! May His kingdom be enforced on earth as it is heaven. Daddy, find my heart and body a willing vessel to be Your hands, feet, and heart to a hurting world.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Faith
Waiting is not easy. Waiting without sight is not easy. Waiting with uncertain hope is not easy.
It’s frustrating, heartbreaking, confusing. It feels blind; it feels dark.
If my hope is uncertain, why am I waiting?
Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen.
Faith is substance; faith is evidence . . . when there is none.
If there is physical evidence, if there is visible proof, then there need not be faith.
The need for faith comes when there is no visible proof of that for which we hope.
This is where I am at.
I have a hope, however uncertain.
I’ve sensed the voice of God in my heart, strengthening this hope.
Yet,
There is absolutely no physical evidence on which to rest my hope.
There is absolutely no visible proof or reason for me to hope.
Yet, I do. Is it stubbornness or faith?
Faith is substance and faith is evidence. There need not be other evidence.
The faith of God in my heart is the substance of what I hope for, the evidence of that which I do not see, yet hope to see.
I walk be faith not by sight.
That means that even though I do not see evidence, even though I feel blind, because of my faith, I walk.
Though I cannot see, faith gives me courage and reason to continue walking.
How many times these past six, no it’s seven months have I prayed “God, if this whisper in my heart is not from you, if it’s not your voice, then turn my heart. My heart is in your hands to turn as you will. I want nothing other than your will for my life”?
Seven months of praying this and my heart has not turned away from the whisper, from the hope.
Seven months, and now there is peace that before was not there.
Seven months . . . I’m still walking by faith, I’m still hoping without evidence.
There has been confusion. Frustration. Doubting. Tears.
There still is. Even though peace has wondrously found a way into my heart.
I ask God at least weekly, sometimes daily, for proof, for anything. Just for confirmation that I am indeed hearing his whisper. My fleece is before him. It has been for three months now.
This is faith: to continue in obedience, to continue in humility, to continue to walk: when I have no sight, when I am blind, when confusion surrounds, when doubt knocks at the door.
This is faith: to trust in the goodness of my Daddy’s heart and the gentleness of his love, when I have all the evidence I could want and when I have absolutely nothing.
It’s frustrating, heartbreaking, confusing. It feels blind; it feels dark.
If my hope is uncertain, why am I waiting?
Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen.
Faith is substance; faith is evidence . . . when there is none.
If there is physical evidence, if there is visible proof, then there need not be faith.
The need for faith comes when there is no visible proof of that for which we hope.
This is where I am at.
I have a hope, however uncertain.
I’ve sensed the voice of God in my heart, strengthening this hope.
Yet,
There is absolutely no physical evidence on which to rest my hope.
There is absolutely no visible proof or reason for me to hope.
Yet, I do. Is it stubbornness or faith?
Faith is substance and faith is evidence. There need not be other evidence.
The faith of God in my heart is the substance of what I hope for, the evidence of that which I do not see, yet hope to see.
I walk be faith not by sight.
That means that even though I do not see evidence, even though I feel blind, because of my faith, I walk.
Though I cannot see, faith gives me courage and reason to continue walking.
How many times these past six, no it’s seven months have I prayed “God, if this whisper in my heart is not from you, if it’s not your voice, then turn my heart. My heart is in your hands to turn as you will. I want nothing other than your will for my life”?
Seven months of praying this and my heart has not turned away from the whisper, from the hope.
Seven months, and now there is peace that before was not there.
Seven months . . . I’m still walking by faith, I’m still hoping without evidence.
There has been confusion. Frustration. Doubting. Tears.
There still is. Even though peace has wondrously found a way into my heart.
I ask God at least weekly, sometimes daily, for proof, for anything. Just for confirmation that I am indeed hearing his whisper. My fleece is before him. It has been for three months now.
This is faith: to continue in obedience, to continue in humility, to continue to walk: when I have no sight, when I am blind, when confusion surrounds, when doubt knocks at the door.
This is faith: to trust in the goodness of my Daddy’s heart and the gentleness of his love, when I have all the evidence I could want and when I have absolutely nothing.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
More Verses
THANK YOU
I thank You that we no longer must make daily sacrifices to cover our sin.
I thank You that animal blood is no longer spilt daily.
I thank You that I do not need a lamb or goat to take my place.
I thank You that You have made a new and living way.
I thank You that Jesus became the last needed sacrifice.
I thank You that His blood now covers me & was spilt once for all.
I thank You that Jesus took my place.
I thank You for life abundant & new.
I thank You that I have been made a new creation in Christ Jesus,
through His death & resurrection, His sacrifice.
WHY DO WE DO WHAT WE DO HERE?
Do we sing,
just because we like to sing?
Do we sing,
just to hear the sound of our own voices?
Do we dance,
just to feel our bodies move?
Do we dance,
just to hear someone say "did you see her dance?"?
Or do we sing
to bring You praise
because You're worthy?
Do we sing
to wage war
on the curse?
Or do we dance
to delight You
because You glory in us?
Do we dance
to break open the heavens
that You might come down?
Will we sing and dance for Your ears and eyes only?
Are we doing what we do here
just for the praise of men?
Or are we doing what we do
because it makes You smile?
Are we doing what we do here for You alone;
are You alone who we see?
If no one else were here,
would we still sing & dance?
If we had no tune, no rhythm,
would we still sing to release the captives?
If we had no grace, no beauty,
would we still dance to break off chains?
Let our song & dance
be intercession
that rises as a pleasing aroma
to Your throne in heaven.
Let our song & dance
be song & dance of war
that we would be Your soldiers
breaking through the defenses.
Make us Your singing & dancing warriors!
I thank You that we no longer must make daily sacrifices to cover our sin.
I thank You that animal blood is no longer spilt daily.
I thank You that I do not need a lamb or goat to take my place.
I thank You that You have made a new and living way.
I thank You that Jesus became the last needed sacrifice.
I thank You that His blood now covers me & was spilt once for all.
I thank You that Jesus took my place.
I thank You for life abundant & new.
I thank You that I have been made a new creation in Christ Jesus,
through His death & resurrection, His sacrifice.
WHY DO WE DO WHAT WE DO HERE?
Do we sing,
just because we like to sing?
Do we sing,
just to hear the sound of our own voices?
Do we dance,
just to feel our bodies move?
Do we dance,
just to hear someone say "did you see her dance?"?
Or do we sing
to bring You praise
because You're worthy?
Do we sing
to wage war
on the curse?
Or do we dance
to delight You
because You glory in us?
Do we dance
to break open the heavens
that You might come down?
Will we sing and dance for Your ears and eyes only?
Are we doing what we do here
just for the praise of men?
Or are we doing what we do
because it makes You smile?
Are we doing what we do here for You alone;
are You alone who we see?
If no one else were here,
would we still sing & dance?
If we had no tune, no rhythm,
would we still sing to release the captives?
If we had no grace, no beauty,
would we still dance to break off chains?
Let our song & dance
be intercession
that rises as a pleasing aroma
to Your throne in heaven.
Let our song & dance
be song & dance of war
that we would be Your soldiers
breaking through the defenses.
Make us Your singing & dancing warriors!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Peace & Contentment
Two days ago, I was just walking through the kitchen, minding my own business when it suddenly occurred to me that my heart is at peace. Wow, it really feels good not to have constant questions and turmoil in my heart. Quick on the heels of this realization was the realization that I'm content.
But wait! Isn't contentment like after Thanksgiving dinner when you push back from the table (finally!), full and with the turkey beginning to work on your brain? Don't we call babies content when they are quiet and smiling, without hunger or care in the world? I have cares. I still hunger. I still have desires. I still long to see what God will do next. I still desire to be married. I still want to know God more. I still want to be an intercessor and worshiper. But yet I'm content.
My friend Heidi said, contentment is sorta like courage. Courage isn't the absence of fear, but doing the right thing despite the fear we feel. Likewise contentment isn't the absence of desire, but choosing to be at peace where we are while desiring and having faith for where God will take us next. Or something like that.
I am at peace with where God has me; I am content with my situation; I have hope for what will come next; I have faith for the fulfillment of the desires in my heart. It's an active contentment, an active waiting.
Peace, but not passivity . . .
Contentment, but not inertia . . .
Waiting, but not without hope and faith . . .
My Daddy is so good to me!
But wait! Isn't contentment like after Thanksgiving dinner when you push back from the table (finally!), full and with the turkey beginning to work on your brain? Don't we call babies content when they are quiet and smiling, without hunger or care in the world? I have cares. I still hunger. I still have desires. I still long to see what God will do next. I still desire to be married. I still want to know God more. I still want to be an intercessor and worshiper. But yet I'm content.
My friend Heidi said, contentment is sorta like courage. Courage isn't the absence of fear, but doing the right thing despite the fear we feel. Likewise contentment isn't the absence of desire, but choosing to be at peace where we are while desiring and having faith for where God will take us next. Or something like that.
I am at peace with where God has me; I am content with my situation; I have hope for what will come next; I have faith for the fulfillment of the desires in my heart. It's an active contentment, an active waiting.
Peace, but not passivity . . .
Contentment, but not inertia . . .
Waiting, but not without hope and faith . . .
My Daddy is so good to me!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
September 10, 2009
I want to feel what You feel,
I want to see what You see.
I want to hear what You hear,
Daddy, I want to know Your heart.
I want to cry Your tears,
I want to weep with You.
I want to laugh in Your joy,
Daddy, I want to love with you.
Daddy, like a little child,
Like a little child wants to help her Daddy,
I want to help You.
Her Daddy carries a load,
She reaches out her hand & grasps the handle,
Holding on beside His hand.
"Let me help you, Daddy."
I want to help you carry Your load, Daddy;
Like a little child.
Though sometimes I only add more weight,
I know, the desire of my heart
Warms my Daddy's heart.
And I see a smile on His face;
I feel His love wash over me;
He knows my heart!
The disobediences, the fears,
the desires, the joys, the loves.
And He dances over His daughter
With joy, with laughter, with love.
For her heart is His;
For she is His very own.
With ribbons & wind,
With lilies & daisies,
He dances with her in His strong arms,
His mighty arms of protection.
Dance with me, Daddy.
Glory in my heart.
Find blessing hidden within me.
Discover peace in my love for You.
Daddy, I want to live to bless You,
To bless Your heart with my love.
I want to see what You see.
I want to hear what You hear,
Daddy, I want to know Your heart.
I want to cry Your tears,
I want to weep with You.
I want to laugh in Your joy,
Daddy, I want to love with you.
Daddy, like a little child,
Like a little child wants to help her Daddy,
I want to help You.
Her Daddy carries a load,
She reaches out her hand & grasps the handle,
Holding on beside His hand.
"Let me help you, Daddy."
I want to help you carry Your load, Daddy;
Like a little child.
Though sometimes I only add more weight,
I know, the desire of my heart
Warms my Daddy's heart.
And I see a smile on His face;
I feel His love wash over me;
He knows my heart!
The disobediences, the fears,
the desires, the joys, the loves.
And He dances over His daughter
With joy, with laughter, with love.
For her heart is His;
For she is His very own.
With ribbons & wind,
With lilies & daisies,
He dances with her in His strong arms,
His mighty arms of protection.
Dance with me, Daddy.
Glory in my heart.
Find blessing hidden within me.
Discover peace in my love for You.
Daddy, I want to live to bless You,
To bless Your heart with my love.
September 1, 2009
I'm here, Daddy . . . how can I bless You tonight?
My eyes droop . . . in exhaustion
Yet, Daddy, I'm here.
My flesh is weak & tired,
But I am here to be with You.
My spirit longs for You,
Craves Your presence.
It is for that my heart beats;
Crying, "Come, Daddy, come".
In Your presence, I find peace.
In Your presence, I find rest.
In You, I find strength
For the joy of the Lord
Is my strength.
When I am weak,
When I am tired,
When I am weary,
You uphold me.
You strengthen me.
You give me joy.
And everyday
Your grace is new.
It is fresh & alive;
It is my energy.
My eyes droop . . . in exhaustion
Yet, Daddy, I'm here.
My flesh is weak & tired,
But I am here to be with You.
My spirit longs for You,
Craves Your presence.
It is for that my heart beats;
Crying, "Come, Daddy, come".
In Your presence, I find peace.
In Your presence, I find rest.
In You, I find strength
For the joy of the Lord
Is my strength.
When I am weak,
When I am tired,
When I am weary,
You uphold me.
You strengthen me.
You give me joy.
And everyday
Your grace is new.
It is fresh & alive;
It is my energy.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Gentle My Desperation
"Come, Lord Jesus,
touch me
with love, life-giving as light,
to quiet my anger a little & gentle my desperation
to soften my fears some & soothe the knots of my cynicism,
to wipe away the tears from my eyes & ease the pains in my body & soul,
to reconcile me to myself & then to the people around me & then nation to nation,
that none shall learn war any more,
but turn to feed the hungry, house the homeless & care compassionately for the least of our brothers & sisters.
Reshape me in your wholeness to be a healing person, Lord.
Come, Lord Jesus,
expand me
by your power, life-generating as the sea,
to accept & use my power,
to do something I believe in & be something more of who I am to be & can be,
to inspire me to dream & move,
sweat & sing,
fail & laugh,
cuss & create,
to link my passion with courage,
my hope with discipline,
my love with persistence,
to enable me to learn from difficulties,
grow in adversities,
gain wisdom from defeats,
perspective from disappointments,
gracefulness from crises,
& find joy in simply living it all fully.
Release me through your power to be a powerful person, Lord.
Come, Lord Jesus,
startle me
with your presence, life-sustaining as air,
to open my heart to praise you,
to open my mind to attend you,
to open my spirit to worship you,
to open me to live my life as authentically & boldly as you lived yours.
Come, Lord Jesus,
be with me in my longing;
come, stay with me in my needing;
come, go with me in my doing;
come, struggle with me in my searching;
come, rejoice with me in my loving."
Ted Loder in Guerrillas of Grace
touch me
with love, life-giving as light,
to quiet my anger a little & gentle my desperation
to soften my fears some & soothe the knots of my cynicism,
to wipe away the tears from my eyes & ease the pains in my body & soul,
to reconcile me to myself & then to the people around me & then nation to nation,
that none shall learn war any more,
but turn to feed the hungry, house the homeless & care compassionately for the least of our brothers & sisters.
Reshape me in your wholeness to be a healing person, Lord.
Come, Lord Jesus,
expand me
by your power, life-generating as the sea,
to accept & use my power,
to do something I believe in & be something more of who I am to be & can be,
to inspire me to dream & move,
sweat & sing,
fail & laugh,
cuss & create,
to link my passion with courage,
my hope with discipline,
my love with persistence,
to enable me to learn from difficulties,
grow in adversities,
gain wisdom from defeats,
perspective from disappointments,
gracefulness from crises,
& find joy in simply living it all fully.
Release me through your power to be a powerful person, Lord.
Come, Lord Jesus,
startle me
with your presence, life-sustaining as air,
to open my heart to praise you,
to open my mind to attend you,
to open my spirit to worship you,
to open me to live my life as authentically & boldly as you lived yours.
Come, Lord Jesus,
be with me in my longing;
come, stay with me in my needing;
come, go with me in my doing;
come, struggle with me in my searching;
come, rejoice with me in my loving."
Ted Loder in Guerrillas of Grace
Friday, July 17, 2009
A Higher Standard
Recently I've been feeling like I'm pulling myself in many different directions, trying to pursue too many interests at one time. It's tiring! I thought I wanted to actively pursue midwifery training or at least get my feet wet at this time in my life. However, as soon as I arranged to shadow midwives, the desire is gone and moves onto something else.
I've wondered if it's just the fickleness of my own heart not wanting to do anything that will take work and push me outside my lovely little comfort zone. Now that I have full choice of what to pursue, I seem to only want to do what's easy, what brings immediate gratification.
Yet midwifery is something I was never fully sure (and still am not) that I was called to do. It's been an interest, but I've questioned the reasons it's an interest.
And what do I hear God saying in all this? I'm not certain of that either. My ability to recognize and understand His voice of late, has been distracted for a few reasons.
This year's word was contentment. I've not been very good at this yet. The verse for this year was Romans 12:1&2 "Therefore, I urge, you brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."
The theme of this year has been A Higher Standard, A Higher Calling than what I have previously been striving for.
I wrote recently in my journal: "Righteousness . . . Holy . . . Purity . . . Perfection . . . God is calling us to a higher standard, one higher than the one we've been attempting, striving to attain. This higher standard, God will transform us into."
In moments of clarity, I see that this is where God's heart is for me right now where I'm at. He's asking that I would allow Him to work this righteousness in me. It requires obedience, turning my back on my comfort zone, seeking out people, loving people, serving people and in so doing, doing it all for Jesus, to Jesus.
So where does this leave me as to what to pursue?:
Well, not midwifery.
Learning to play piano and sing
Taking available opportunities to do both (even if I don't feel equipped or ready)
Learning to intercede, what intercession is
Learning to serve, serve, serve
Developing mothering abilities with in me
Serving at SVPS, where I am already committed
Not neglecting work and the numerous opportunities there to minister
Seeking out relationships, even with people I've previously overlooked
Loving my family
Digging into God's Word
Learning to dance
Dancing with abandon
And pursuing further education sometime in the future when it is actually in my heart to do so, when God leads me to do so.
Education in the world, though valuable, is not something I should pursue at the expense of education by God.
I've wondered if it's just the fickleness of my own heart not wanting to do anything that will take work and push me outside my lovely little comfort zone. Now that I have full choice of what to pursue, I seem to only want to do what's easy, what brings immediate gratification.
Yet midwifery is something I was never fully sure (and still am not) that I was called to do. It's been an interest, but I've questioned the reasons it's an interest.
And what do I hear God saying in all this? I'm not certain of that either. My ability to recognize and understand His voice of late, has been distracted for a few reasons.
This year's word was contentment. I've not been very good at this yet. The verse for this year was Romans 12:1&2 "Therefore, I urge, you brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."
The theme of this year has been A Higher Standard, A Higher Calling than what I have previously been striving for.
I wrote recently in my journal: "Righteousness . . . Holy . . . Purity . . . Perfection . . . God is calling us to a higher standard, one higher than the one we've been attempting, striving to attain. This higher standard, God will transform us into."
In moments of clarity, I see that this is where God's heart is for me right now where I'm at. He's asking that I would allow Him to work this righteousness in me. It requires obedience, turning my back on my comfort zone, seeking out people, loving people, serving people and in so doing, doing it all for Jesus, to Jesus.
So where does this leave me as to what to pursue?:
Well, not midwifery.
Learning to play piano and sing
Taking available opportunities to do both (even if I don't feel equipped or ready)
Learning to intercede, what intercession is
Learning to serve, serve, serve
Developing mothering abilities with in me
Serving at SVPS, where I am already committed
Not neglecting work and the numerous opportunities there to minister
Seeking out relationships, even with people I've previously overlooked
Loving my family
Digging into God's Word
Learning to dance
Dancing with abandon
And pursuing further education sometime in the future when it is actually in my heart to do so, when God leads me to do so.
Education in the world, though valuable, is not something I should pursue at the expense of education by God.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Verses & Thoughts
"Deliver THOSE who are being taken away to death,
And THOSE who are staggering to slaughter, Oh hold THEM back.
If you say 'See, we did not know THIS,'
Does He not consider IT who weighs the hearts?
And does He no know IT who keeps your soul?
And will He not render to man according to his work?
Proverbs 24:11-12
"I searched . . .
for a MAN among them
who would hold up the WALL
and stand in the GAP before Me . . .
for the LAND,
so that I would not destroy IT . . .
But I found NO one" . . .
Ezekiel 22:30
LIFE . . . it's being taken away to death.
LIFE . . . . . it's staggering to death.
And God will judge us according to our knowledge, according to what we do and do not know. He will judge us according to what we do or do not do with that knowledge. Did we ignore the cry of the weak being destroyed. Do we say that we did not know because we could not hear their voice? And yet their voices, silent and small as they may be, they reach to heaven to the ears of God.
And God still seeks for that man to stand in the gap, to hold up the wall, that He might not destroy the land. Who is that man, that woman, that child, who has the courage, the boldness, the pure guts to stand in the gap and pour their life out for the voiceless ones? Are you one who will give your life defending the defenseless that are mercilessly slaughtered, that our land might be redeemed?
"So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it."
Isaiah 55:11
Daddy, what word are you now sending forth from your mouth? What is the cry of your heart that goes forth over the earth? What do you long to see your word accomplish? What word have you sent forth to me that you desire to return to you fulfilled? What word are you sending forth for Lord's House of Prayer, Quarryville? What word are you sending forth for Lancaster County? Open our hearts to hear the word you send forth, the cry of your heart.
"For My house will be called a house of prayer for all the peoples."
Isaiah 56:7b
A short chapter later comes the cry of God's heart. Will you be a house of prayer? As a people will you surrender to me and allow me to form you into a house of prayer? As individuals, as my son, my daughter, will you allow me to form you heart into a place of prayer and intimacy for all to come and drink of; for all peoples to find refuge in?
Will we be a place of refuge for those who are being destroyed; for the men, women, and children who are being slaughtered, physically, emotionally, spiritually . . . ?
Will we stand in the gap for the defenseless ones, the invisible ones, the silent ones of our generation and the generation to come?
And THOSE who are staggering to slaughter, Oh hold THEM back.
If you say 'See, we did not know THIS,'
Does He not consider IT who weighs the hearts?
And does He no know IT who keeps your soul?
And will He not render to man according to his work?
Proverbs 24:11-12
"I searched . . .
for a MAN among them
who would hold up the WALL
and stand in the GAP before Me . . .
for the LAND,
so that I would not destroy IT . . .
But I found NO one" . . .
Ezekiel 22:30
LIFE . . . it's being taken away to death.
LIFE . . . . . it's staggering to death.
And God will judge us according to our knowledge, according to what we do and do not know. He will judge us according to what we do or do not do with that knowledge. Did we ignore the cry of the weak being destroyed. Do we say that we did not know because we could not hear their voice? And yet their voices, silent and small as they may be, they reach to heaven to the ears of God.
And God still seeks for that man to stand in the gap, to hold up the wall, that He might not destroy the land. Who is that man, that woman, that child, who has the courage, the boldness, the pure guts to stand in the gap and pour their life out for the voiceless ones? Are you one who will give your life defending the defenseless that are mercilessly slaughtered, that our land might be redeemed?
"So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it."
Isaiah 55:11
Daddy, what word are you now sending forth from your mouth? What is the cry of your heart that goes forth over the earth? What do you long to see your word accomplish? What word have you sent forth to me that you desire to return to you fulfilled? What word are you sending forth for Lord's House of Prayer, Quarryville? What word are you sending forth for Lancaster County? Open our hearts to hear the word you send forth, the cry of your heart.
"For My house will be called a house of prayer for all the peoples."
Isaiah 56:7b
A short chapter later comes the cry of God's heart. Will you be a house of prayer? As a people will you surrender to me and allow me to form you into a house of prayer? As individuals, as my son, my daughter, will you allow me to form you heart into a place of prayer and intimacy for all to come and drink of; for all peoples to find refuge in?
Will we be a place of refuge for those who are being destroyed; for the men, women, and children who are being slaughtered, physically, emotionally, spiritually . . . ?
Will we stand in the gap for the defenseless ones, the invisible ones, the silent ones of our generation and the generation to come?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tithing
I realized recently that all the places I regularly give to are ministries or people that I have had a personal connection with. I give to a YWAM friend & mentor; Ten Thousand Homes started by YWAM people that I used to babysit for; a Philly ministry I've been to; a prayer room that I was with during the beginning stages; and others. I bring this up to say that my giving is so much more meaningful because I have a connection to these places and believe in what they are doing.
Speaking of ministries, Ten Thousand Homes just recently started partnering with this ministry called Knit-A-Square that distributes blankets, vests, and hats made by knitters the world over. What a good way for me to utilize my basket of scraps! I've been pondering what to do with them. This is the perfect solution. So once I've finished a current project or two that's in progress, I'll start knitting squares and hats to send to Africa. Thanks for this great idea, Jen.
Here's my basket of scraps and some hats that I made a long time ago that have been little used. Can't wait until it's a basket of hats and squares to keep cold children warm.
Speaking of ministries, Ten Thousand Homes just recently started partnering with this ministry called Knit-A-Square that distributes blankets, vests, and hats made by knitters the world over. What a good way for me to utilize my basket of scraps! I've been pondering what to do with them. This is the perfect solution. So once I've finished a current project or two that's in progress, I'll start knitting squares and hats to send to Africa. Thanks for this great idea, Jen.
Here's my basket of scraps and some hats that I made a long time ago that have been little used. Can't wait until it's a basket of hats and squares to keep cold children warm.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Herb Garden
I know I've used this mostly to write the things I think about, normally deep things or something God's been showing me or stirring in me. Anyhow, though, I don't know if anyone really follows this, I'm going to begin to use it in other ways also. To share what I've been doing, anecdotes, recent projects, etc.
And here is the first: the beginning of my herb project. This was an idea birthed in the cold of winter, when the thought of summer sun was very appealing. I think it could end up being more work than I expected. And I'm still only hopeful that my little plants will survive. I don't have much faith in my gardening skills at the moment, but we shall see.
Tiny Bee Balm plants just transplanted yesterday. I hope they grow. Interesting fact: Bee Balm tea is what New Englander's drank instead of the taxed tea from England.
Dill, Cilantro, Basil, Parsley, Thyme, and some others I can't remember at the moment.
So this is my garden so far. The beautiful purple flocks are the backdrop for now, though I hope by midsummer to have some flowering lavender beside them.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Where will you spend eternity?
Where will you spend eternity? Heaven or Hell? You'd better decide before it's too late ...
Can I just say that I hate this question?
How has Christianity become only about where we will spend eternity? Where in the Bible does it say that Jesus died so you could go to heaven; we act and talk as this was the only reason he needed to die: so we could have eternal life and go to heaven. It's such a pretty, little picture ... and it means I don't have to do anything but get people to say they want to go to heaven too.
I have a big problem with this!
Jesus did not come just to get us into heaven. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but his purpose was and is so much bigger than that. He declares his purpose in John 10:10 and we somehow pass over it in preference of the heaven/hell/eternity purpose. "The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I HAVE COME THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE LIFE AND LIFE TO THE FULL." Abundant life other translations say. He's talking about life, here, on earth, not eternal life. He came to give us hope now! not just a future hope. He came to destroy the curse that was destroying us!
And all we give people is a decision between a heaven and hell that, by and large, many people don't believe in anymore. What attraction does this Christianity hold?
So back to this curse. Back in the garden of Eden, Adam was created in God's image, literally, and bore God's glory, His weightiness. As Dutch Sheets says creation did a double take when they saw Adam pass by: He looked like God! And he bore His glory and was given dominion, rule, authority, command to govern this earth. As he bore the image of God, creation obeyed him, obeyed God in him. As we know, the Fall happened and Adam sold out his right to govern this earth to Satan thus leading to the curse. A curse of death, slow, gradual decline physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally. In came sickness, disease, sorrow, pain, toil: all that Adam had never known when he bore the image and glory of God. No longer did creation obey him as it had.
And this curse has been wearing on us for 10,000+ years. It's a wonder our bodies still work as well as they do!
Jesus came to break this curse, that we could once again bear the image and glory of God. He came bearing the image and glory of God. That's why he could walk on water. The water recognized the image of God in Jesus, recognized His authority to govern. That's why demons fled before Him and sickness left at His command. Through His death, Jesus conquered death and overcame the curse, so that through Him, we may once again bear the image and glory of God and govern this earth as Adam was created to do.
So then why do we still hold onto the curse? Why when Jesus has declared "He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!" do we still live in bondage? Why do we hold onto sin and darkness and death and accept these things that are so unjust?! Jesus' burned with passion at the injustice caused by the curse and we cling to it! And I'm talking about Christians!
Yes, I know it feels safe; we know how the curse works; we've lived with it all our lives. It becomes a case of que sera, sera as we believe that God will do whatever He will do whether we live abundant life and bear His image or just cling to the curse and pray we make it to heaven! Don't you, can't you, see that He meant life to be so much more.
We, as Christians, are meant to be like Jesus, to follow His example, shake off the curse, and pick up the image and glory of God. I know it's scary; it's a road we haven't walked, but Jesus has.
I want to be like Jesus. I want to bear His image, that people, that creation does a double take. "Was that just Jesus?" When the snake bites me, I want (as it happened with Paul) that the poison recognizes the image of God in me and does no harm. I want demons to recognize the image of God in me and flee. I want sickness and death to loose their grip because of the glory of God in me. I want to live boldly utilizing the authority that is mine on earth as a Christian. I want to live abundant life, bearing the image and glory of God as I was ordained to from the foundation of the earth.
Can I just say that I hate this question?
How has Christianity become only about where we will spend eternity? Where in the Bible does it say that Jesus died so you could go to heaven; we act and talk as this was the only reason he needed to die: so we could have eternal life and go to heaven. It's such a pretty, little picture ... and it means I don't have to do anything but get people to say they want to go to heaven too.
I have a big problem with this!
Jesus did not come just to get us into heaven. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but his purpose was and is so much bigger than that. He declares his purpose in John 10:10 and we somehow pass over it in preference of the heaven/hell/eternity purpose. "The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I HAVE COME THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE LIFE AND LIFE TO THE FULL." Abundant life other translations say. He's talking about life, here, on earth, not eternal life. He came to give us hope now! not just a future hope. He came to destroy the curse that was destroying us!
And all we give people is a decision between a heaven and hell that, by and large, many people don't believe in anymore. What attraction does this Christianity hold?
So back to this curse. Back in the garden of Eden, Adam was created in God's image, literally, and bore God's glory, His weightiness. As Dutch Sheets says creation did a double take when they saw Adam pass by: He looked like God! And he bore His glory and was given dominion, rule, authority, command to govern this earth. As he bore the image of God, creation obeyed him, obeyed God in him. As we know, the Fall happened and Adam sold out his right to govern this earth to Satan thus leading to the curse. A curse of death, slow, gradual decline physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally. In came sickness, disease, sorrow, pain, toil: all that Adam had never known when he bore the image and glory of God. No longer did creation obey him as it had.
And this curse has been wearing on us for 10,000+ years. It's a wonder our bodies still work as well as they do!
Jesus came to break this curse, that we could once again bear the image and glory of God. He came bearing the image and glory of God. That's why he could walk on water. The water recognized the image of God in Jesus, recognized His authority to govern. That's why demons fled before Him and sickness left at His command. Through His death, Jesus conquered death and overcame the curse, so that through Him, we may once again bear the image and glory of God and govern this earth as Adam was created to do.
So then why do we still hold onto the curse? Why when Jesus has declared "He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!" do we still live in bondage? Why do we hold onto sin and darkness and death and accept these things that are so unjust?! Jesus' burned with passion at the injustice caused by the curse and we cling to it! And I'm talking about Christians!
Yes, I know it feels safe; we know how the curse works; we've lived with it all our lives. It becomes a case of que sera, sera as we believe that God will do whatever He will do whether we live abundant life and bear His image or just cling to the curse and pray we make it to heaven! Don't you, can't you, see that He meant life to be so much more.
We, as Christians, are meant to be like Jesus, to follow His example, shake off the curse, and pick up the image and glory of God. I know it's scary; it's a road we haven't walked, but Jesus has.
I want to be like Jesus. I want to bear His image, that people, that creation does a double take. "Was that just Jesus?" When the snake bites me, I want (as it happened with Paul) that the poison recognizes the image of God in me and does no harm. I want demons to recognize the image of God in me and flee. I want sickness and death to loose their grip because of the glory of God in me. I want to live boldly utilizing the authority that is mine on earth as a Christian. I want to live abundant life, bearing the image and glory of God as I was ordained to from the foundation of the earth.
Monday, April 6, 2009
I'm not a Christian
"Someone recently asked me what the moment was when I became a Christian. And I told them, I never did become a Christian. I can't turn the other cheek. I can't sell all my possessions and give them away. I can't love my enemy. I am not a Christian because I can't do what Jesus asks . . . I can't do what He asks me to do, so I can't legitimately claim to be a Christian." - Bill Moyers
I wish the Church would awake and understand this as clearly as Bill Moyers does. Works are not the same as faith, nor do works make our faith. But as one author writes, you say you have faith, but I'll show you my faith by my works. Or as Rich Mullins sings "faith without works, like a song you can't sing, it's about as useless as a screen door on a submarine." Yet it seems that a marjority of American Church as we know thinks that Christianity is just about a personal, private, keep-it-to-yourself faith that has no actions to prove its existence. It's a go to church on Sunday, live like the world Monday through Saturday faith. I'm tired of that kind of lifeless faith. I'm tired of a faith that is not truly "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
I admit that I am no better. I claim to be a Christian. I claim to have faith even. Yet my actions do not prove that faith on a daily basis. My brother Jordan was sick for almost a week. I didn't once go over to him and pray for him. My mom's shoulder hurts so bad she can hardly move. I still haven't prayed for her. Yet I prayed for a woman's ankle the other week. A woman I did not know, because I felt God tell me to. But that was anonymous; she did not know me; I didn't feel responsible for the results (it it took a wholel hour to get up the guts to just do it!). But Jesus told us to lay our hands on the sick, no matter who they are, and have faith that God will heal them.
Do you realize how many hard things Jesus commanded us to do? I was thinking about the love passage in Corinthians the other day, where it says "love is patient, love is kind, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs . . . " No record! I keep a record, I hold a grudge! Then I'm NOT walking in love. But Jesus says "love one another as I have loved you." Or what about when he says those who haven't left father or mother, brother or sister, or wife or child are not worthy of me? How have we convinced ourselves that such statements don't apply to us somehow. That they were commands only for the disciples or the early church? Jesus didn't just give commands to the early church and then expect that we, with our smart, technological minds, would somehow just figure out which ones He meant for us to obey and which ones we didn't have to obey. God is the same God today, yesterday, and forever. His commands remain the same. His heart's desire remains the same.
Maybe we need to re-evaluate what being a Christian is. And if we are not willing to do as Jesus says, to release the grudge, to release our pride and reputation, to give up our dreams, even our life wishes, to give generously of our hard earned money in an economic recession, to not only give our money, but out time, our heart, our compassion, to actually care about people and give of who we are. If we are not willing to do thiese things maybe we need to stop calling ourselves Christians.
I think I'm ready for something more than being a Sunday Christian or just calling myself a Christian. I think I'm ready to be one. Honestly, it freaks me out. Me, pray for someone and actually see them healed! Me, drink poison and not die! Me, love with a love that does not remember wrongs. Me, not only remember the orphan and the widow, but care for the orphan and the widow. I can't even wrap my head fully around what being a Christian should look like.
No, I can . . . it should look like Jesus, unmistakably, vulnerably, humbly like Jesus.
That's what I want to be. I want to be so full of Him, that I get mistaken for Jesus. It starts with obeying Him, doing the things He commands us to do in His Word. It not some great spiritual, head in the clouds, oh my! I'm surrounded by glory, revelation: "Jesus just told me to do the things He already commanded me to do, Wow!" It's a hard, cold, gut decision to be obedient to everything He has already commanded me to do and let the results in His hands. The only feeling is a tight knot in the stomach feeling of "What have I just gotten myself into and Oh God! I can't do this without you."
Anyone want to join me?
I wish the Church would awake and understand this as clearly as Bill Moyers does. Works are not the same as faith, nor do works make our faith. But as one author writes, you say you have faith, but I'll show you my faith by my works. Or as Rich Mullins sings "faith without works, like a song you can't sing, it's about as useless as a screen door on a submarine." Yet it seems that a marjority of American Church as we know thinks that Christianity is just about a personal, private, keep-it-to-yourself faith that has no actions to prove its existence. It's a go to church on Sunday, live like the world Monday through Saturday faith. I'm tired of that kind of lifeless faith. I'm tired of a faith that is not truly "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
I admit that I am no better. I claim to be a Christian. I claim to have faith even. Yet my actions do not prove that faith on a daily basis. My brother Jordan was sick for almost a week. I didn't once go over to him and pray for him. My mom's shoulder hurts so bad she can hardly move. I still haven't prayed for her. Yet I prayed for a woman's ankle the other week. A woman I did not know, because I felt God tell me to. But that was anonymous; she did not know me; I didn't feel responsible for the results (it it took a wholel hour to get up the guts to just do it!). But Jesus told us to lay our hands on the sick, no matter who they are, and have faith that God will heal them.
Do you realize how many hard things Jesus commanded us to do? I was thinking about the love passage in Corinthians the other day, where it says "love is patient, love is kind, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs . . . " No record! I keep a record, I hold a grudge! Then I'm NOT walking in love. But Jesus says "love one another as I have loved you." Or what about when he says those who haven't left father or mother, brother or sister, or wife or child are not worthy of me? How have we convinced ourselves that such statements don't apply to us somehow. That they were commands only for the disciples or the early church? Jesus didn't just give commands to the early church and then expect that we, with our smart, technological minds, would somehow just figure out which ones He meant for us to obey and which ones we didn't have to obey. God is the same God today, yesterday, and forever. His commands remain the same. His heart's desire remains the same.
Maybe we need to re-evaluate what being a Christian is. And if we are not willing to do as Jesus says, to release the grudge, to release our pride and reputation, to give up our dreams, even our life wishes, to give generously of our hard earned money in an economic recession, to not only give our money, but out time, our heart, our compassion, to actually care about people and give of who we are. If we are not willing to do thiese things maybe we need to stop calling ourselves Christians.
I think I'm ready for something more than being a Sunday Christian or just calling myself a Christian. I think I'm ready to be one. Honestly, it freaks me out. Me, pray for someone and actually see them healed! Me, drink poison and not die! Me, love with a love that does not remember wrongs. Me, not only remember the orphan and the widow, but care for the orphan and the widow. I can't even wrap my head fully around what being a Christian should look like.
No, I can . . . it should look like Jesus, unmistakably, vulnerably, humbly like Jesus.
That's what I want to be. I want to be so full of Him, that I get mistaken for Jesus. It starts with obeying Him, doing the things He commands us to do in His Word. It not some great spiritual, head in the clouds, oh my! I'm surrounded by glory, revelation: "Jesus just told me to do the things He already commanded me to do, Wow!" It's a hard, cold, gut decision to be obedient to everything He has already commanded me to do and let the results in His hands. The only feeling is a tight knot in the stomach feeling of "What have I just gotten myself into and Oh God! I can't do this without you."
Anyone want to join me?
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