Last night, I was at Gateway House of Prayer in Ephrata. It was a small crowd, just myself and four other women. Jimmy Nimon came by and ended up ministering prophetically to each of us.

WOW!! Did he hit the nail on the head when he spoke over me! I am so thankful for the ministry of the Holy Spirit. Time and again, the words of others by the insight of the Holy Spirit have pierced to my heart, calling forth truth, boldness, faith, and confirming the things the Lord has been whispering to me.

My heart has been stirred up since last night. The Lord had already been stirring within me, but now it's stronger. The word for the year was boldness; the theme of this year was walking in my calling and destiny. As I stood and shared from my heart to my church nearly two months ago, the only thing I remember is a strong impression that that was NOT the last time I would be sharing my heart in front of others. Jimmy confirmed this last night. It is time for me to open my mouth or let loose my pen as the case may be. And speak and testify to the things the Lord has done in me and has shown me.

So, dear readers, whoever you may be (note: I now have a hit counter on the right, so even if you don't comment, I can still see if you are reading!), over the next few weeks or months, I am going to share the journey the Lord has brought me on. Starting with where I've come from and all He's already done, then where I am at now and what He is doing now, and what I am sensing is coming.

He is so good.  Of this, I am convinced; and my conviction won't be changed. He holds my heart; He is forever trustworthy and faithful. I hope through sharing my walk, you will be encouraged to pursue Him deeper, trust Him stronger, love Him longer, bless Him greater. He is worthy of all glory: anything good in me has come only from Him.

Blessings ...

A Waltz in the Rain

My responsibility is obedience to the call of God. God's responsibility is everything else.

There's a dream in my heart. It was a dream in God's heart first.

It's not mine to lose if it belongs to God.

It's a lesson I've been learning this year, step by step, moment by moment, as I trust God with the dreams of my heart.

These dreams don't really belong to me.

God dreamed them first ... and then He decided to place them in my heart.

My response is obedience to His leading, His prompting.

Then I let the results in His hands.

The dream was His first ... He wants it more than me.

Trying to manipulate, negotiate, take control will only be to step outside His timing and will never bring the desired result.

These dreams are not mine to lose or gain if they belong to God.

Said another way: When I realize that my heart's dreams where first God's and I let them rest in His hands, it removes all worry, all fear. I can't lose something that doesn't belong to me in the first place.

It's a dance of trust and faith ...

It's a beautiful dance of partnering with Jesus ...

A waltz in the rain with my Love!

Haiti Thoughts

I meant to process these thoughts more and write them out more formally, however, I returned from Haiti over a month ago and still have not rewritten these thoughts.

So here they are for whoever cares to read them in their unedited roughness.

"For such a Time as this ...
Perfect Love casts out Fear ...
The Joy of the Lord is my Strength ...
Destiny ... Calling ...
Know the Depth of the Father's Love ...
Stir up Desire in your Heart ...
Surpassing Righteousness of the Heart ...

For such a time as this ...
For such a time as this, I was called to go to Haiti and I went in obedience knowing that there was an aspect of my destiny that I would find in Haiti. Indeed I did.
For such a time as this, I was created by God, ordained to be His child.
For such a time as this, I was called to fulfill the destiny placed on my life.
For such a time as this, I was called. I have a destiny to fulfill that no one else can fulfill. It's not about me! This is about Jesus and the reward He deserves for His suffering. He asks for all of me and my total surrender. When I hold back, the world looses out more than I do. It's not about me, but about the love in the Father's heart that He longs to reveal through me. Why am I keeping this love for myself? It grows as I give it out! Do I have so small a revelation of this love that I don't share it? Then I need to ask for a greater revelation. The Father won't give me a stone when I ask for bread. Nor will He give me only crumbs. If I am willing, He has a table spread with a feast for me. But will I respond and say for such a time as this I have been created and called?

We are pressed down, but not crushed; persecuted but not abandoned; crushed by not destroyed.

The physical condition of Haiti right now is the spiritual condition of America. And were it not for the grace of God, we would physically look like Haiti. We have a Christian foundation that stays the judgment of Christ, but for how long? For such a time as this, we were born in this nation with the favor and grace of God poured out abundantly upon us. But if we do not become salt and light, that grace will be withdrawn; it's only a matter of time.
There is a spirit of apathy that keeps Haiti in physical poverty. This is the way it's always been, this is the way it will always be. As long as that spirit remains, Haiti will remain in poverty.
We are spiritual poverty living in spiritual apathy. And God's saying I'm longing to do more, but as long as you are content with ankle deep, I can't move you to knee deep. We need to stir up a spirit of discontent and desire in our hearts! Just because this is the way it's always been, doesn't mean this is the way it's meant to be! We need to become dissatisfied, so God can satisfy! We become dissatisfied when we catch the vision of the way God meant something to be. We become dissatisfied when we realize there is more! Oh, God stir up holy dissatisfaction and give us vision of the way you long for things to be!"

Be blessed, be dissatisfied, be hungry, be filled ... for such a time as this you were created and called by the Holy God to bear His glory to a hungry and desperate world!

January 12th Journal

The Glory of God is man fully alive:
so make us fully alive.
You created us to bear Your glory:
image-bearers, glory-bearers, glory-manifesters!
You said Your glory would cover the earth as the waters cover the seas ...
We are Your glory when we bear Your image.
We will cover the earth.
We will carry Your glory until it covers the earth.
We are Your glory.
You in us is Your glory.
Us alive in You is Your glory.
You came to give us eternal life, abundant life, Glory-filled Life!
This is Your glory for us to be fully alive!

January 5th Journal

You won't relent until You have it all
           My heart is Yours.
I'll set You as a seal upon my arm, as a seal upon my heart . . .
You keep chasing my heart, never stopping, Your desire, Your love as strong as death, Your jealousy as strong as the grave.
You want all of me, as part won't satisfy Your desire for me . . . Only all of me.
And You keep pursuing my heart, never stopping, my heart is Your goal, all of my heart.
You desire me . . . Your daughter, Your creation . . .
You call me beautiful, Your own love . . .
Beulah, Hephzibah . . . married to Him, His desire is for me.
I am my Lover's and He is mine. His desire is for me and mine for Him.
Beautiful and perfect You are, my Lover.
Holy and righteous, worthy of all my heart, all of me.

December 22nd Journal

I am worthy

     Because He says I am worthy.
I have value
     Because He calls me valuable.
I am lovely
     Because He has made me lovely.
Beulah, Hephsibah
     His delight is in me!
I love Him;
     He loves me more.
I desire Him;
     He desires me more
Jealous is He!
     I'm after His heart;
And He is after mine.

And how can the clay say to the Potter,
"You made me wrong, imperfect?"
How can I say to my Maker
"You messed up?"
He has made me Perfect, Beautiful, Lovely.
                     Do I believe this?
Do I believe that He delights in me
                     More than I can ever delight in Him?

My heart & desires are pleasing to Him.
I stop sometimes . . . & think:
                     "Why would He do this for me?"
Why would He not?!
                     Do not believe the lie!

"I delight over you,
      I dance over you.
My desire is for you,
      My heart is for you.
Why would I not give you a good gift?"
                       (But I am so unworthy of my heart's desire . . .)
"No, I have declared you worthy;
       Not because of who you are,
       But who you are in Me,
       Because of My love for you.
I have declared you worthy.
     What I have declared worthy,
     Do not declare unworthy.
You are my daughter,
Desirable, Captivating, Lovely.
Daughter, you capture My heart!
When you dance,
     My eyes sparkle.
When you sing,
     Heaven becomes silent.
When you pray,
    My heart rejoices.

You, My daughter,
Are a blessing to My heart."

Haiti Update #1

This is truly my most real mission trip. there is no unpacking, no getting organized. We are 20+ people living in one home, sharing 2 bathrooms, and an outdoor shower (I haven't used it yet & prolly wont). We sleep on the cement roof on thin air mattresses: men and women together. Talk about getting to know people. fortunately only pastor salik snores. but there's always the donkeys and roosters making noise also. We finally arrived here late Friday night. Saturday, I went out with the medical team that was already here. Didn't see anything real severe. Except that we were in a tent city with a population of 30,000! We drove by the caribbean market that fell killing roughly 200. It still smells horrible and they are only beginning to try to bulldoze it clear. I haven't cried yet. it's all just so big, it's numbing. How do you know where to start? And there was such great need already before the earthquake. And I can only think of how we complain about healthcare and lack of access in the states. We know nothing of lack of healthcare! I felt like all we did as a medical team was put a bandaid on a gaping wound. saw a man being carried on a litter to and from a hospital to have his leg redressed. He had an external fixator (look it up on google images) on his leg! I did almost cry yesterday seeing an 8 month old baby the size of a 3 month old with the emotional response of a 2 month old. So skinny. No smile, no laugh. So malnourished. No teeth either. Heartbreaking, yet all I feel is numbness and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. Daddy, break my heart with the things that break yours. Just some of my thoughts.